


Fixing Blue

by thefandombookshelf



Series: Hurting and Fixing the Broken [2]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-01
Updated: 2017-06-01
Packaged: 2018-11-07 20:35:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11066628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thefandombookshelf/pseuds/thefandombookshelf
Summary: Healing must be one of the hardest things for the human race to endure through. Some are able to push through to the end easily, others struggle to make it all the way to the finish. And a handful, well, sometimes that healing process takes too much and pushes out the light before they even come close to the exit of the tunnel. Although everyone wishes that healing was an instant occurrence, it just isn’t and god knows if it ever will be. Even an ancient alien civilization far more advanced in technology than humanity wasn’t even able to perfect the seemingly impossible task.





	Fixing Blue

**Author's Note:**

> This is a sequal/second part to my other fic Seeing Red so that one needs to be red first to understand what is happening in here. This will also be posted on my tumblr thefandombookshelf.tumblr.com and as a second chapter on the original Seeing Red just for the people who are looking for it there! I really hope you enjoy! This hasn't been edited yet so I will go back and add that later.

Healing must be one of the hardest things for the human race to endure through. Some are able to push through to the end easily, others struggle to make it all the way to the finish. And a handful, well, sometimes that healing process takes too much and pushes out the light before they even come close to the exit of the tunnel. Although everyone wishes that healing was an instant occurrence, it just isn’t and god knows if it ever will be. Even an ancient alien civilization far more advanced in technology than humanity wasn’t even able to perfect the seemingly impossible task. 

For Lance, healing always seemed like it would be apart of his life. On his 5th birthday he had to heal for the first time after he fell off of the back of his sisters bike and fractured his arm, it took 4 weeks. The next time was 2 months after his arm was healed when he fell from the tree and twisted his ankle from landing wrong, that time is took only 8 days. The most recent major healing he had to endure before his departure to save the universe happened the week before being promoted to fighter class in the garrison. The day he found out Keith had been booted from the program started out being the best day of his life, but the moment he called home to tell his family he had a chance at moving up to what he came here to do, it turned sour. His abuelo died the next day, and Lance didn’t even get the chance to tell the person who believed in his dreams the most the news. That healing, will never be complete. 

It only took a week for his arm to heal with the weird Altean cast on. 

````````````````````

Moving was hard for him. It sounds stupid, but it's the truth. 

Getting out of bed that first day ended up being too difficult a task after Keith’s “ _ I need you” _ moment and Lance’s realization of how broken he had truly let himself become. So he didn’t proceed with the trying task and rather just stared up at the ceiling like he had done many a night, too drained to cry and too empty to feel or think anything else for the rest of the day. Night. Whatever it had ended up being before he finally closed his eyes and fell into a restless dozing. Hunk entered his room a couple of times after Keith left. The first time, he opened the door and brought in a bowl of the green slime they liked to call food. 

“Hey buddy, you awake?” He whispered though he could clearly see that Lance’s eyes were in fact open. He made his way over to Lance’s bed and set the tray down on the floor next to the bed. “Oh no, shit Lance what happened?”

Lance didn’t respond. 

Leave it to Hunk to recognize him in this state. Hunk had been the one to comfort Lance those difficult nights in their room at the garrison when he couldn’t sleep because of his loss. Hunk saw the mask fade away once Lance shut the door for the night and just sat there on the blue sheets of his bed telling him about all of the things he wishes he could have done and said but would never get to do. Hunk never tried to get Lance to sneak out like they had done before. He never pushed him to stay up late to play stupid games that Lance would come up with during the middle of a class when he finally stopped paying attention to what the teacher was trying to say. Hunk had complained about all of those things before, “ _ Lance, come on we need to sleep”, “Lance we have a huge test tomorrow, neither of can afford to fail this one”, “Dude, Iverson is literally going to kill us if we get caught leaving our room this late”.  _ But he never really meant them, and during those few days he wanted them to return more than anything else in his life, but he didn’t push. They would find their way back into his life after almost a week, not because Lance had gotten over what had happened, but because he realized that wasting his life was the exact opposite of what his abuelo wanted for his life, which is why we applied for the garrison in the first place, and slowly went back to living his life as he had been. But occasionally Lance would go back into those habits, and this was one of those times. 

“You know I’m not gonna force you to tell me anything, but you know I’m here for you when you need me man. I’m always here”.

He didn’t want for Hunk to leave his room, but he also didn’t do anything to stop the exit. He just sat there in silence, listening to the sound of his own breathing and the harsh tone of his thoughts, wrestling around the inside of his mind. 

Not much more happened that day. Pidge came in with Shiro to check on him, and she invited him to go watch her play their game that they had bought back at the space mall. She knew how much he loved to watch her play it, not in a creepy way though, when Pidge played it reminded him of when he would babysit and his younger brothers and sister would fight over the controllers and play the videogames on the small television in their little house. He didn’t take her up on her offer though, not today. Shiro just wanted to make sure his arm wasn’t hurting too bad, and honestly he had almost forgotten entirely about his arm if it hadn’t been for the restraint movement that he had when trying to bend it. Coran also came by to check on his arm and spent the first part asking questions but quickly realized that Lance was not in a chatting mode and switched it over to a story about when Allura had to wear one of these devices in her childhood. He was always good in that way, seeming to always pick up emotional cues and adjusting his ways to fit the needs. Sometimes he wondered if it was an Altean thing and then would remember that Allura never seemed to notice when he was feeling this way, but he really couldn’t blame her, she had much more important things to worry about and frankly probably didn’t care all that much on the kind of day Lance was having unless it directly affected team Voltron. 

The last visit he got that day was another one from Hunk in which Lance spent the entire duration holding [and failing to] back tears as they sat on the floor leaning against his bed.

“Hunk, I fucked everything up. Why do I always fuck everything up.” There was a scratchiness to his voice that was unnatural and made him cringe with every syllable that left his lips. He sounded so broken and it just made him break a little more with every word. 

“I talked with Keith earlier Lance, he feels horrible you know. You didn’t mess everything up.”

“Not with Keith. Well yes, with Keith. I fucking told him I loved him, Hunk! How is that not fucking it up? Not only that but I then proceed to punch a wall and break my hand. Who the hell punches walls? Fucking dumbasses, Hunk that’s who. Now Keith knows everything, and god knows everyone else probably does too, I don’t even know if I can pilot at the moment but I still promised Allura I would, and I’m just bits now Hunk. Ever since we got here I’ve been blaming everything on Keith but it was never his fault. This entire time I’ve been slowly unraveling and I was so sure it was his fault but it's not Hunk. It’s all me, I broke myself and I don’t know how to fucking fix it because all I ever am capable of is breaking”.

“Lance- that’s not…”

“Don’t tell me it’s not true Hunk! At this point I don’t even remember who I was before this, all I know is that I’m stuck here now and I just- I just need to go home”.

“I know, buddy. We all need to go home.”

`````````````

He came out of his room the next day.

Today was going to be the day Lance went back to being Lance. No one would look at him as a broken toy. No one would sit in a slightly uncomfortable silence around him in an effort to comfort. He wasn’t going to let them. Today was going to be normal. 

The dark room around him slowly started to illuminate as the castle started powering on the lights for the day, starting a stinging sensation in his eyes that forced him to half squint in order to see. Without allowing time for regret, he achingly pulled back the covers exposing his uncasted arm to the cool air of the metal building. The floor sent chills up his legs as he grudgingly shuffled across the floor to grab his clothes from the closet like panel on the opposite side of the room. He  _ really _ needed to ask Allura if they had any other clothes, because his blue and white baseball tee and jeans were starting to get a little too redundant to wear. His brothers jacket, however, that thing he would wear until the day he died. 

The bathroom across the hallway was one that he and Keith shared since their rooms were right next to one another. Lance slowly made his way over to the door, knowing that Keith wouldn’t be using it at the moment. Keith always woke up unnecessarily early, like 2 vargas earlier than when the lights turned on. And luckily for Lance, that meant that he had also finished up in the bathroom way before Lance even was close to needing it, meaning that he could avoid at least one awkward encounter for now. 

Lance tried to make everything like it had been before. Like it had been when they first arrived at the castle. When his efforts weren’t difficult and when he could look into the mirror and see hope and adventure rather than emptiness and disappointment. He tried. But no matter what he did, the water in the shower seemed just a little colder, the food goo mask seemed a little clumpier, and his face seemed a little more paler than it previously had seen. It seemed as though the color and comfort was draining away from the world; and it was taking him with it. 

It took 3 tries for him to finally go to the kitchen. The first was after he left the bathroom. Once the door closed behind him, it closed up his lungs as well. He caught himself on the wall as the tried to breathe but wasn’t succeeding. Eventually he made it back to his room where he was able to calm down long enough breathe again. The second time was roughly 10 minutes later, after pacing around the room repeating “ _ You can do this. Just fucking go McClain”  _ and then proceeding to promptly open the door and then close it immediately after. The 3rd time was more or less what someone would call a success depending on who was being asked. As soon as the door closed, he reopened it and took a shaking step outside.

The lights in the hallway were spread further apart than the ones in his room making it appear slightly dimmer. It was also colder out here as the air ran through the hallways causing his nervous shaking to get slightly worse. He pulled his jacket around his tighter and took a step out. The walk down the hallway and towards the kitchen area never seemed as long as it had now. Every step hurt and felt like his legs were about to give out on him. His body and mind were weak from the last couple of days and he felt as if he could fall over and just lay there for hours until somebody came and found him, but he kept on going. Pushing through to a normal day.

“Well someone has to bring him food! Why can’t it be me?”

“Keith, you know why. We all already agreed…” Shiro’s voice traveled through the thin metal door leading into the dining area allowing Lance to hear it with ease. 

Lance stood behind the entry way, breathing in one last breath before putting on a smile and pressing the button. Shiro paused with the woosh of the door and everyone's eyes were on Lance. The scene before him was not one that he was expecting. They were all sitting around the long table but not actually eating anything. In fact most of the food looked untouched. Keith was halfway between the table and the door with a bowl of food goo in his hand and with an exasperated looking Shiro standing next to his chair. Everyone was dead silent as Lance took a step through the door and for just a moment he thought his facade might fade away revealing his nervousness and uncertainty, but it didn’t. Rather, he took on his usual stride and made his way over to the table, keeping his arm near to him at all times. 

“Well guys I know I’m strikingly handsome, but I didn’t think it was enough to leave a whole room speechless,” he managed to get out as he sat down. He heard Pidge and Allura sigh. He gave Allura a look and winked at her like he usually would after making a comment as such, and like clockwork she rolled her eyes back at him, but with that he noticed a small smile forming in the corners of her mouth.

“Well it’s good to see that you are feeling better, Lance”

“Of course Princess. I told you I would be fine, it takes a lot to knock me off of my feet.” Lance noticed that worried glance he got from Hunk after that statement but decided to ignore it. “Anyway, where did my food go?”

Everybody turned their heads back towards Keith. His face got a deep shade of red and he looked down. Lance saw Shiro sit back down out of the corner of his eye. Keith started shuffling his way back towards his seat next to Lance. 

“Oh so now you’re trying to steal my food too? This rivalry is getting serious if we are messing with each others food now too”. He tried to control his voice, and it semi worked. 

“I-uh, I was going to bring it to you… but I guess that isn’t necessary.” He eventually made it back over to his chair and set the food down in front of him. Despite Lance’s efforts to try and play off what had happened over the past couple of days, he could sense everyone was worried about the future relationship between the two paladins and what it meant for the future of Voltron. The tension in the room was becoming unbearable and the silence of the crowd wasn’t helping. 

Lance tried to eat the goo as quickly as he could with his left hand, and though his efforts were snail like and the time dragged on for much longer than what seemed possible, he still managed to be the first person finished with their food.

“Well, if you guys would excuse me, I have some bonding to catch up on with Blue.”

“Don’t forget about the training later, Lance.”

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world Princess.”

He could finally breathe again as the door closed behind him.

\----------------

“Hey there beautiful, did you miss me?” He asked while walking up to the ginormous metal paw that stood in front of him. In response, a purr like sound came from her as her head lowered allowing Lance to step inside the all too familiar area. The blue lights powered on around him and he closed his eyes allowing for him and Blue to become closer. Blue could read his thoughts, just as he could feel hers. He knew that she was worried about him and worried about him piloting with a broken arm and she knew that he was tired and scared for what was going to happen next. But they were able to take comfort in each other as always. 

He doesn’t know how much time he had spent in the hangar with Blue but he didn’t care because it was the most relaxed he had felt in a long time. It wasn’t until he heard Allura’s voice coming over the castle coms telling him to report to the training deck that he finally opened his eyes. 

Blue let him out and he took one final look at her before turning and running towards his room to change into the blue armour that he now called his. 

He made his was towards the familiar area of the training deck but this time it was different. This time it wasn’t just memories of training or late night walks that would flood his mind upon entering the room. There would be the added image of Keiths face as he was screaming at him. Keith screaming at him back. His hand crumpling against the impact of the wall. All things he would rather not see. But he could do it. He did it for every other day before that and he can do it now. Maybe.

Hopefully.

The room didn’t suck the sound out when he entered this time. Allura and Coran were up in the control room and his fellow team members were gathered in a circle in the middle of the room talking amongst themselves. They probably wouldn’t have even noticed him if it weren’t for Alluras announcement.

“Oh good, you’re here. Okay paladins, since we can’t exactly do any team sparring exercises today we are going back to one of the easier team building exercises of the invisible maze.” Everyone collectively groaned at the memories of how painful the maze could be. “No complaining. We could all use a little team bonding and this is one of the easier ones. And, whichever team gets through the maze the fastest with the fewest mistakes gets to leave training early.”

“How is that promoting bonding, isn’t that just creating competition?”

“Precisely number four! You can’t have a team work well together if they can’t even have a safe and friendly competition every once in awhile.”

“And after the past few days, I believe we could all use a little fun.”

Lance already knew this wouldn’t be fun however. His bonding exercise partner was Keith and he had a feeling Allura and Shiro weren’t going to let him switch for today's competition. In fact, they were probably hoping that a competition would bring the two of them closer together. Lance didn’t blame them though, he understood that the events that unfolded in this very room only 2 nights before could have severe consequences and better try and stop them now before it hurts the team. Lance didn’t want to hurt the team anymore than he had. 

He took one final deep breath in before glancing at Hunk, mouthing to him ‘I’ll be okay’ then striding on over to where Keith and Shiro were talking. 

“Ready Mullet?” He asked the red paladin. Keith just gave him a slight smile before nodding at Shiro and replying “Sure thing partner.”

Pidge and Hunks maze went extraordinarily well as it always did. Hunk got a little nervous when giving directions like he always does, but it seemed more controlled than usual. Probably because he wanted to get back to trying to figure out how to create better food from food goo. Allura went with Shiro, but she only directed him rather than switching to be directed later. They always worked the best together, which was expected with them being the leaders and all. 

It wasn’t until it was time for him and Keith to go that things started to go wrong. Lance could feel the anxiety starting to build up in him as he stepped into the maze. They always failed the maze. Never once have both of them successfully gotten through it without screaming at each other or purposefully running the other into the wall. Lance kept waiting for the shock that came whenever he ran into the wall but it never appeared. 

“What the quiznack? Did Lance just go through the maze without touching the wall once?” He heard Pidge call from the control room over their coms. 

“Wait I’m finished?”

“Yeah, congratulations boys. Now if you can do that again and maybe a little faster with Keith then looks like you two will be done with training for the day.” Allura replied.

“No but seriously. How did you two do that? You guys always bomb the maze?”

“I guess we just make a good team, Hunk.” He heard Keith let out. Lance could hear the amusement in his voice as he said it. Lance soaked that feeling in letting himself temporarily forget about the last few days and go along with the moment.

“Hell yeah we do!” He yelled back turning and smiling towards the room where everybody was standing watching him as he fist bumped the air. 

Well, like everything else in Lance’s life, this started to fall apart as well. Lance got up into the control room and scanned over the map trying to find the best and quickest way out of there. That was the part he was good at, it was the speaking directions part that always got him. Ever since he was a kid things like directions took slightly more time to process than things like numbers and physical images did. He could feel the brief moment of happiness slipping away from him and feel the pull of anxiety and failure starting to take control again. 

“Um, take two steps to your right and then head straight for another five steps. Small ones. Make sure they are small. Wait! Actually those were too big so stop.” The rest of the maze came out in hesitant statements and shaking words, but regardless Keith still stepped and turned as directed. Then he ran into the wall.

“Shit! Ow, come on Lance!”

“Oh God. Sorry, I- I meant left.”

“Ok, calm down Lance. It’s fine. Just think about it before you say things or we are going to lose points for aim rather than time.”

He hit the wall a total of 6 times. Which, is better than the usual count that is closer to 20 for each of them. Lance sighed in relief as Keith exited the maze rubbing the arm that took most of the shocks.  _ ‘Shit that's his sword arm. Shit, great. Fuck he’s probably going to be mad.’ _

He felt Shiro pat him on the back but he didn’t respond. Words were being said to him but it was too much. 

_ “Lan-  _ Lance! Are you okay buddy?” He looked up at Hunk who was now holding onto his good arm supporting him so he wouldn’t fall. 

_ ‘So much for a normal day…’ _

“Lance I think you should spend your extra time off from training resting,” Shiro told him. He was giving him an extremely concerned look. 

“Guys, what’s going on up there?” Keith asked from the floor of the training deck. 

“Keith, could you help take Lance back to his room?”

“No! I’m fine. I can handle it, I have a broken arm not broken legs. I don’t need Keith to escort me, he already did that enough today.”

“Calm down Lance. You are really pale right now and… “

“Just shut up Pidge! I’m not a broken toy in need of fixing,”  _ LIES.  _ “I don’t need you guys treating me like a stupid child just because of a broken arm! You guys didn’t need to set up a competition to try and get me out of training early! I don’t need…”

“That is enough Lance,” He looked up into the hurt eyes of Pidge, the surprised eyes of Hunk and Shiro and the angry ones of Allura. 

“I’m- oh God. No, sorry, I…” he didn’t finish the sentence, instead he just left the control area as fast as he could and walked back to the one place he knew would help him. 

\-------------

He could hear them talking about him over the comms as he walked towards the Bridge. 

_ “There is something wrong with him besides just his arm.” _

_ “Maybe he is more homesick than usual?” _

_ “I think the other night just really messed him up.” _

_ “Do you think he will be okay?” _

When he got to his chair on the bridge he removed his helmet and pulled up the star map. The room around him grew dim and surrounding him were little spots of light representing every star, planet or sun that is around them. The star map always amazed him. How something so large could be contained to such a small area and even then it only showed was was nearby. There were just so many different things out there and none of them Lance had even known about when he left Earth. Oddly enough, the feeling of being so insignificant and small to such a large scheme of things did the exact opposite of what most people would think. Rather than make him more anxious it helped calm him and helped him focus in on what the real problems that mattered were. 

He put in the coordinates for Earth and sat there while the image of it popped up in front of him. Small and blue just like a lot of the planets that were around him. 

If he couldn’t go home, then why not at least look at it to give yourself a little motivation of what to fight for. 

His mind became lost to him again, so much so that he wasn’t even aware of the person that had come in and sat down next to him. They sat there in silence for a long time just looking out at the various stars and the galaxies that were placed out in arm's reach of them. Neither one acknowledging the fact that the other was there. Just the two of them sitting amongst each other, small in comparison to where they were. 

“Lance I…”

“I heard what you said.”

“What?”

“Yesterday. When you came into my room after arguing with Shiro. I was awake. And I heard you.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Well I meant it.”

“I know you do. I could hear it in your words.”

“I don’t hate you.”

“I know.”

“I like you Lance… I actually really like you.” Lance could feel his heartbeat speed up as those words left Keith’s mouth. “And I was a coward for pretending this whole time like I didn’t. And for yelling back at you the other night when I could see that you needed help.” Lance felt warm as he became aware of Keith’s hand slowly covering his own in between them. 

“I’m so sorry Lance. I’m so sorry I broke you.” Lance finally looked up at him while completely intertwining their hands together. 

“It wasn’t you Keith. I was already a mess. Ever since we got here I’ve been a mess. It just became too much, I kept on piling on different things like you and our rivalry and not disappointing Shiro and trying to keep all of you alive and it just was so hard to do all of those things. And I broke. I spent so many nights awake trying to blame you for all of my issues and thinking that if it wasn’t for you then all of my problems would be solved but it wasn’t true. You didn’t break me Keith, that was all on me. Everything. From going off on you, to blaming you, everything was all me. All you did was play along with this stupid competition I created and looked great while doing it. If anything I should be sorry. Sorry that I hurt you, and the team and myself.”

“Lance, you didn’t hurt the team. Obviously. We were the ones most affected by the other night and look what we did today! We kicked Pidge and Hunks assses in the maze. If the team was affected, I think it would have shown today. If anything we are stronger than before.” He squeezed Lance’s hand as a way of reassurance and Lance squeezed back. “Oh my God look at us,” He said as he brought their hands up into the air so they could both see them. “It’s like our bonding moment that you don’t remember all over again.”

“Not exactly, this time you don’t have to cradle me as you carry my half dead body to the cyropods.” He said giving Keith a slight smirk getting an offended look out of Keith and a newly freed hand. 

“I can’t believe I fell for you of all people,” Lance felt his face kind of drop at the statement. “It’s not like you made it hard or anything with your selflessness and stupid good looks.”

Lance didn’t know how to respond to that. He wasn’t used to getting compliments from people, especially Keith. So instead he just looked at Keith, smiled and leaned his head on his shoulder rather than taking his hand again. 

“So what now,” he asked as Keith draped his arm around him carefully so that he wouldn’t bother Lance’s broken arm. 

“Well now we try to fix you.”

“Keith, you do realize that I am extremely gone and that you alone won’t be able to do much.”

“Yeah, I know. But that doesn’t mean we can’t try.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> I may write an epilogue but I haven't decided yet. It will just depend on how many people want one!


End file.
